Hey everyone, it's been a while
This week was a bit of a mixed bag.
Jo's on saturday was really great especially after a full day at Earles.
I feel pretty good that I didn't ditch Becky on her birthday (except Jo's was awesome)
David, nerd jokes are fun but I wish i'd taken maths
Tom, good to have you back
Cath, blog much?
Sorry i wasn't at the wheaty last night, I didn't get back to swindon until 10 when my train was due in at 8. Apparently there was some horrific crash or something? I dunno. Plus it was cold. And i'm a loser.
Portsmouth is officially my insurance offer :D
I've been job hunting this week pretty much every day
I managed to give my nuber to every bar, resteraunt and pub in swindon.
It all started on tuesday....
Tuesday I got home and started getting dressed for this job interview at Nationwide. I figured smart-casual, right? Trousers and casual shirt - people love that.
Well, on the way out of the house I hear my mum shriek
-You're not wearing that to your interview are you?
-Well, that was the plan
-You have to wear a tie
-No, surely not
-Yes you do. And a smart shirt. And tuck it in. And that nice jacket you have
-Mum, they know I'm a teenager, it says so on the CV
-Wear smart clothes
-This is fine mum
Then she dropped the bombshell
'Wear a suit or you're not allowed out of the house'
Oh come on
So there I was, walking through town
In a suit
I have never sweat so much
I get to Nationwide 'Sorry I'm a bit early' - I was late
After a lot of debating over whether or not I was booked for an interview this woman realised it wasn't an interview I was after (they said interview on the phone) but an aptitude test.
So I'm lead to this room filled with teenagers filling out forms
And yes
There were jeans
There were tracksuits
There were jumpers
There were even T-shirts WITH WRITING ON
And some dickhead in a suit who must have thought this was a job interview or something
I'm given a form
'Five minutes'
Panic settles in, I look at the form - subheadings like 'visual test' 'numeracy test' and then the dreaded 'financial knowledge' throw me.
After the first few questions though I began to relax - who cares if I'm wearing a suit? At least I'm not the only one wearing jeans and everybody else is in a suit, right? I could have just been anywhere, talking to any amount of important reputable people, right? My mind had wondered, what's going on?! Oh, I'm finished. I hand the clipboard back to the woman.
Looking over her shoulders I saw ticks of approval as she skimmed my rushed answers:
tick
tick
tick
tick
pause
that wasn't good
she tapped at the clipboard
then everything fell apart, my soul started letting in wind, my throat collapsed on itself. I knew somehow that this was over
She somehow managed a smile
'Joshua, first of all, this is really good. A great description of a debit card. The dictionary couldn't have done better, the thing is, we were looking for the definition of credit card- you see there, it says credit card?'
'Ah yes, th- that does ss- say cred it card. I do kno- Ask me what a credit card is'
I'm sorry, but you'll have to come back in a couple of days
I was officially a nob - I was the smartest looking person in the room and I didn't even know the difference between a credit card and debit card!
I could see the evil mix of loathing, amusement and pity in her eyes
And then, in our most glorious moment,
When all eyes were on us
When the air was closer than it had ever been
After the magnificent climax of that horiffic afternoon
Right then and there
In the back room of the Nationwide Building Society
My nose began to bleed.
Everywhere
