If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake.

My friend Olivia is coming for tea so I'm going to bake a cake. Soon.

Well. Animals.

Land: Wolverine.

Because it's called a wolverine. Plus they look a bit like little fuzzy bears but can apparently take down Tapirs, which are MASSIVE.
(Also, you're right David, honey badgers are badass.)

Sea: Narwhals.

'Unicorns of the North' in the words of David Attenborough

Sky: I think Sea Eagles

Because they're HUGE. And when you talk about them it just sounds like you're just saying 'Seagull' wrong, but then people see the real Sea Eagle and they're like woaaah.

Ooh, or maybe a Cassowary. They have a toe designed for stabbing.

Or a Victoria Crowned Pigeon, in the words of the zoo keeper 'the largest of pigeons', neglecting to mention that they're bright fucking blue.

Native / Domestic:

I wanted to choose something cool and Scottish to prove that I'm cool and Scottish, but I dunno.

Hmm. We did see a seal in the Isle of Skye.

Farm: I like sheep.

And HALLOWEEN.

No pictures of Team Rocket yet, but that's me with some broccoli, Andy Warhol and a reluctant pumpkin. (My hair dye is dyeing my face at this point.)

Now I should probably talk about my life...

Umm. Went to a house party for bonfire night, ended up incredibly gin-drunk, which begins with fun and frolics and face dancing, ends with me in a corner just wanting to go home.

But the fireworks were fun, only really saw them on the walk through the Meadows. Where some people failed to grasp the concept of fireworks and were setting them off horizontally.

Might be going to Switzerland soon, either on the 18th or the 25th - though I've just remembered I have Frank Turner tickets for the 25th, so really that would just be inconvenient.

Finish lectures on the 25th Nov, exams on the 19th Dec, in Newcastle until the 22nd, then back to Swindon with you lovely people.

Niice.

I really hope Tom blogs as that would be lovely.

And David, remember - chicks dig scars.

David bloggs without his appendix

HEY GUYS

I'm pretty sure I should be given a pass for last week on account of the fact I had MAJOR SURGERYYY.
So yeah this week I got appendicitis , had my appendix removed and then after a few days recovery in the hospital came home to swindon to recover for a week which has been very nice. I saw Tom Emma Miranda Harry Joe and Matt this weekend which was lovely and we went to the pub but I couldn't drink because I've been taking bare painkillers (1 tramadol and 2 paracetamol 4 times a day will ;)) OH AND we went to fireworks at the beehive pub cause they were free and they were actually so good and you guys missed out. So yeah my weeks been really dull to be honest, I spent the first few days in a drug induced haze which passed the time and since then I've been playing twilight princess (which is so beautiful still) and spending a ridiculous amount of time on reddit. Unfortunately this means I'm so behind on uni work it's unreal but yeah...
I realize I'm not very good at blogging but I'ma get back into it.

JOSH I missed pretty much every halloween party through illness so I didn't actually dress up, however here is a picture of my scar which is like a costume if by costume you mean scar.
waoahaohhha look how gross I ammmm

So I've thought like my dick [long and hard] about your question Juliet, and I think I've come to some decisions.
Land - Honey badger, have you guys ever looked up honey badgers? They're the worlds most fearless animal, seriously.
Sea - Mimic Octopus, look them up because SERIOUSLY FUCK
Air - Harpy Eagle, this shit will claw you dead; "the harpy eagle likes to show off its power by crushing the skulls of monkeys, then eating them"
Domestic - I'ma side with Will and say dogs, dogs are cool.
Farm - After consulting this list I'ma have to say Elk.

It's nice to be back, looking forward to all the blogs this week, I think I convinced tom to blog but we'll see.

PEACE

This blog is exactly 555 words long excluding the title

My internet is broken at the moment so although I’m writing a blog, who knows when I will be able to post it.

Firstly I apologise for my crap blog last week, I went to London and then home at the weekend and didn’t bring my laptop with me so it was difficult to do a proper one. I will try and make up for it this week with an extra good’un.

My room smells disgusting at the moment. When I left for lectures on Friday morning it was sunny and nice so I left my skylight wide open. By the time I got home at 5 it had been raining very hard for several hours. The result of this was my carpet, books, bed and clothes had all been well and truly soaked. Somehow this has made my carpet smell really really gross, I think someone maybe made the same mistake before and now the carpet is weird. I am now freezing because I’m trying air the smell out and its cold outside.

So I’ve managed to keep up my ‘gig a week’ record for this term. A week ago last Friday I went to London to see David and Kate. We went to The Wheelbarrow pub in Camden which is owned by Beans on Toast. Jim Lockey and the Solemn Sun were playing. For the life of me I don’t know why they’re not famous yet, they’re so god damn good. David is best friends with Jim so we talked to him afterwards and he was nice.

Last Friday I saw Scroobius Pip. He was pretty good live but nowhere near as good as he was with Dan le Sac. He played a lot of songs from his new album and they are all quite angry. Also it turns out he is a Millwall fan and in my eyes that is just inexcusable.

So Juliet, I have given great thought to your animal thing and here are my answers:

Land – Liger, anyone who doesn’t think it’s best is just wrong.

 Sea – Blue Sea Slug, just look at it guys, whaaaat.

Air – Bats, I don't really like birds and bats use sonar and that is clever.

Domestic – Dogs, they’re trained wolves and I don’t care if that’s a boring answer, they’re my favourite.

Farm – Alpaca, they farm them right?

Josh, my Halloween costume was fairly boring and unimaginative. While we’re on Halloween, it was my housemate Phil’s birthday on the same day so we had a house party. I had a great time and when everyone left we stayed up and sang Lion King Songs until it got light. This picture is from quite late in the night and I honestly don’t know why I’m doing that with my face:

I missed my first lecture of the term this week and I was really annoyed. I was going for a perfect term and I so could have done it. The only reason I missed this lecture is because I misread my stupid timetable. It now makes going to my Tuesday anatomy practical and nearly fainting seem like such a waste.

Community this week was brilliant.

P.S. My internet actually started working like 5 minutes after finishing writing this so yeah, here it is.

Look at him! Look at Jeff Wode!!

Today has been stressful so I'm unwinding with this folk-rock playlist I made on the bus, pretty happy now.

I was very drunk last time I blogged (although it's hard to tell because I had to retype every other word) but yeah, that's why it was so dry cause I was that terrible end of the night, nothing left to say but ramble on boringly. So with a clear mind and a fresh face I blog on: VIVA LA MONGOOSE!! LUCHAR CON FURIA!! Con furia....

This week I caught a fish and ate it, drank some fine oriental teas and read Alan Partridge's autobiography. Now I have two essays due in a week and my scholarly efforts are looking inadequate.

Halloween was awesome, me and three other guys went as the news team from Anchorman and much like you, Juliet and your Team Rocket tag we performed 'Afternoon Delight' many many times that night, harmonies and all. Here's a photo, and I want the same from all of you this week: what did you dress up as for halloween and can I see?

I had five white russians and something called a cookie monster which I never want to see (let alone drink) again. Never trust a drink you can set on fire.

I've been enjoying these kind of phrases this week actually.
EXAMPLES:
Never trust a man who wears suspenders and a belt: man can't even trust his own trousers
Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes

Juliet, My friend in Falmouth went to the same Cat Empire gig you did it turns out.
My favourite animals would have to be:

Land: Komodo dragon
- I used to be fucking terrified of them, but reccently realising I'm pretty likely to never actually come across one, all their scary properties are slowly becoming awesome. They're the largest reptile on earth (as big as 3 metres long). They have poisonous saliva which can paralise you in minutes. They can't go very fast but they're class A trackers and if you're on Komodo island (which is where 99% of them live) there is nowhere to run. So if you're on Komodo island and you get bitten (which you will) you have a few minutes to run as fast as you can and then wait there paralysed for the Komodo to come and eat you alive. FUCKING. COOL.
ANYWAY,
Sea - Anglerfish, just look at them.
Air - Pterodactyl. Oooohhhh, controversial...
Domestic - Cats. Cause you have to work for their love, and I like that
Farm - I always liked chickens, but they're all pretty good.

David went and almost burst his appendix this week which was pretty stupid of him casue I hear they're important, but it's okay because the doctors cleaned up after him. I had no idea of any of this happening until I got a text from David one morning saying 'I'M ALIVE AND APPENDIX-LESS'. Well, I felt pretty good about the first part but the second bit confused me. Anyway, David I'm glad that you're better and safe and alive and stuff, god knows what I would have done if you'd died.

But that's a thought for another day,

Love to your mothers.

I'M LATE

But I had an essay, and then I made some chocolate-caramel-shortbread and then Faye's flat was making us dinner and it had sausages in it so they made me an omelette.

So Wednesday was inauspicious.

Thursday is good, I went to my first lecture in ten days, learn about why things grow old, or senesce, in science land.

So. Cath and Oonagh came up for Halloween.

We went as Team Rocket, and learnt their motto thingy and performed it many times.

Pete went as Ash but had no Pikachu, so we kicked his ass.

Spent a large part of the night capturing Pokemon - whoever identified it, claimed it. So Andy Warhol for example was our Andy Wartortle etc...

I also dyed my hair briefly red which was awesome.

I've been playing far too much Plants Vs Zombies that I really need to cold turkey. When I was half asleep / half drunk / half otherwise I thought I was in it, and couldn't understand why we weren't building our defences - it'd been quiet for long, surely they'd be coming soon.

Not sure how much longer this can last.

I'm drinking a cup of tea and need a pee and am jonesing like fuck.

Also, Richard and Owen were watching Frozen Planet and I heard the word 'narwhal' and got excited.

I think one year I'll dress as a narwhal.

Now, to you I propose a game that we picked up at Faye's

- you have to choose one favourite animal for each of the following categories:

Land - Sea - Air - Native/Domestic - Farm

I'll tell you mine when I know them for sure, I've been stressing about it for a while.

...PREPARE FOR TROUBLE

(and make it double)
TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVASTATION

(to unite all evils in this nation)

TO DENOUNCE THE EVILS OF TRUTH AND LOVE

(to declare our thing to the skies above)

JESSIE

(james)

TEAM ROCKET BLASTING OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

(surrender now or) PREPARE TO FIGHT

(Meowth, that's right.)

... I don't know Cath's lines.